Last night was a really restless night, no sleep, sickness and a humongous nose bleed to go with it! Was the first time I've wanted to jack in all the treatment, completely fed up of feeling like shit the entire time, I was ready to chuck in the towel this morning. I know there's worse things, and people worse off, and I should be thankful with how everything is going, it just feels never ending at the minute. So I was very depressive this morning on the way to St Mary's, just wishing I could be normal again. As ever expect the unexpected! This morning I had the procedure to put metal markers around the tumour to keep an eye on shrinkage etc. Its basically the reverse of a biopsy, just instead of taking a few bits out they put a few bits in! Local anaesthetic in and all good to go. Instead of an incision they'd normally make, because my blood clotting issues they decided to do it with needles instead of cutting me open! So under ultrasound, doc put in the spikes, not the most comfortable procedure going but within twenty minutes all was done! And now I have a part titanium boobage! Next up was the mammogram, to double check the metal work was all in the right place etc before I left. A simple task.... Stand and be x-rayed, what could be hard about that?! Except I can't do anything normally so I decided to collapse mid way through the scan, of course! I don't remember a thing from walking into the scanning room to me coming around on the floor surrounded by the docs and nurses, with the resus alarm going off!! I do do things in style after all! So after a recovery lie down, I was eventually patched up. Going in for markers and coming out with botched, swollen and cut elbows and knee! Think I make my mark wherever I go at the minute! Finally getting home (a few hours later than what expected!) Ive retired to the sofa again feeling like Ive been beaten up down one side, where I'm now deciding on what sponge/food Im going to try and taste tonight for tea! I can feel the bone pain increasing rapidly today, and I feel accompanying food tonight will also be my trusted friend Morphine. The joys. Again, I wish I was normal, boring and normal! Xxx
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February 2017
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