4th round done!! And my arms have officially had enough! I currently resemble a junkie, lumpy black and blue arms stemming back from start of December!
As ports and lines weren't an option because my clotting issues, they've resorted to canulla's each time, which would be fine however my veins obviously don't like them, plus all the a and e ones too haven't helped!! But hey ho, I shall continue with new colour sore arms! Another long day up on the ward on Thursday, Herceptin followed by Docetaxel, and then finished off with the Carboplatin. Plus a mahoosive goodie bag of drugs to take home! Currently sitting at 21 tablets, 2 injections, 2 drinks, and an oral solution a day, plus a mega high potassium rich diet, to keep me going for the next three weeks! Slowly losing the will to count which drugs are which nowadays!! So friday came the afternoon tea finalist announcement for the Venus Awards. Feeling fairly fragile all day and spending the morning in work, I really wasn't looking forward to the announcements, however it was a lovely tea party put on at the Winter Gardens and sat on a lovely table with the mumma bear and big bro too. Totally shocked to have got through as a finalist however a few awkward questions by the announcer as I head up to collect my certificate and have photo taken etc.... As the room fell silent, ''am I ok having my photo taken'' Nope that's how my fell out in the first place.... Oh and on the second time ''Am I ok'' No I have Cancer and I had chemo today but hey ho just broadcast it across the entire room why don't you!! I don't understand people sometimes, head scarfs aren't that scarier subject are they?!! Maybe a little more understanding may have gone down better! But hey ho! So I'm now an official finalist for Entrepreneur of the Year Award! If any one would like to come to the Awards Ceremony it's 18th March at the Cowes Yacht Haven, speak to me for tickets, got a table of 10 to convince people to fill somehow!! And that's where my evening ended, got home not remembering how I got in (funny enough no alcohol was consumed!!) and collapsed on the sofa, not waking up until stupid o'clock in the morning where I then remained awake for the rest of the night! Love insomnia!! Back into work today, and then preparing for the London Run tomorrow! Fairly cacking myself about it now, just wondering how Im actually going to get around.... And survive!! But we shall soon see!! ️Xxx
1 Comment
Day before chemo comes around way too fast!! Im finally back to 'normal' living, been cramming patients in these last few days and working in the gym before I'm off for another week, and boom were back to chemo week!!
So this morning was my oncology appointment with Doc Marshall and Clare (chemo nurse), plus today another student Dr watching on. Although my body isn't reacting how it should through chemo, the main thing is is its working! The chemo is shrinking the tumour and I'm getting there! Albeit strangely!! Tomorrow is round 4. And not half way! I want to shoot anyone saying its half way right now (I've heard it too many times & it's driving me insane!) Im not half way and Im nowhere near half way of active treatment! Ive another four rounds of these chemo drugs, then surgery and reconstruction followed by three weeks radiotherapy with boosters, and I'll still be on the chemo ward every couple of weeks until January next year!! So half way is a long long way off!! Listening to people talk about chemo is funny, 'oh don't you just take some tablets and you're cured' I think is the funniest comment I've heard so far! Errrrmm Nope! Lots of needles, drips, drugs, bloods.... And then you get onto the side effects! Losing the hair, eyelashes, eyebrows (bonus of not having to shave the legs!!), the sickness and nausea, the no taste buds and horrific taste and feeling in the mouth, constant runny nose, watering eyes, losing your finger and toe nails, the bloating from the steroids (I currently have hamster cheeks!), migraine style headaches every night, lumpy damaged arms from the cannulas and drugs... And these are just the easy/non important/less serious side effects, forget the risks of strokes and cardiac arrest etc.... The list is endless! But currently I resemble a hairless hamster with nails done for the first time in like forever (who knew I could be a girly girl after all!) !! They've bumped up my bone marrow injections, as they didn't work how they should have done last time, I've been put on extra potassium since last time so I don't end up being hospitalised again, so tomorrow I get a goody bag of drugs on top of the normal tablets.... Upping my dosage to two injections, and 21 tablets a day.... So a hairless rattling hamster is coming to an island near you soon!! I think the chemo nurses and Doc Marshall think I'm nuts... Im positive and smiling every appointment, don't get me wrong there's down days, but deciding to be positive and continue as much as normal. Because im awaiting the genetic results and the reimaging etc, my stats of return and spread are basically up in the air, I know roughly what they stand at, and ive decided not to let it worry me at the minute, after all that bus could come along and wipe me out instead whilst wondering too much!! The general consensus is you stay off work until active treatment is over... Anyone who knows me knows that was never going to happen! So this weekend I'm running/walking the 10k Cancer Research Winter Run through London. Hopefully the legs hold together and I won't be back with my other buddies... The crutches! Compression tights and Morphine at the ready, it seems far more apt this year to do it! And thankfully the big bro is coming home to do it with me and make me be sensible if my body does fail on me!! Plus friday I've also got the Finals announcement for the Venus Awards... A little bit excited to say the least! Regardless of whether I get through to the finals, im still heading to the awards night in March! Anything to dress up! The plus one ticket is open to suggestions.... 😂😂!! But for this evening Im enjoying my last evening feeling good for another ten days and my last meal tasting something as a hairless rattling hamster, oh no wait, I'll enjoy sponge... again, but roll on round 4! ️Xxx ![]() Hypokaleamic and Neutropenic all in a day's work for this special one! So I thought as I was missing St Mary's so much that Id pay them a visit this week... Again! Kind of becoming a bit of a tradition now a week on from chemo and all that jazz. Note to self.... This must stop, I'm running out of new beds to try out and I'm on first name terms with the a and e docs! I had a few issues Wednesday with collapsing mid scan and heavy nosebleeds throughout the day etc. But nothing that anyone would consider major on the grand scheme of things really! But thursday the nosebleeds, dizziness, headaches, cramps etc continued, so the (now normal!) routine to phone the Cancer nurses came into play. And it was decided that Id pop up to the chemo unit for a quick blood test to test my platelet levels (the things that make you clot!) were as normal as could be and if they weren't then a simple platelet transfusion in the afternoon to rock them up and Id be back on my way again! Oh how wrong that statement could be... Again! Why was I even surprised! So a few hours up on the unit awaiting the bloods back, and eventually I was told my platelets were more normal (a shock to everyone!) so no transfusion needed, however my neutrophils were very very low (even more of a shock to the nurses!). Although We knew obviously the chemo knocks out the neutrophils, the injections ive had to stab myself with the last week start bringing them back up, or so they should do anyway! And it appeared they hadn't done a thing to my neutrophils! With a level of 0.3.... It should have been higher but again after chemo nothing too major wrong, just a course of antibiotics to go and I would be on my way.... Again the wrong statement to make.... Sent down to Beacon Health to get the antibiotics, and off into A and E I went! A long ass night was ahead. The A and E docs weren't happy with my Neutropenia as infection had already started to set in, so stuck me on an IV antibiotic cocktail for the evening, and again I thought I'd be good to go after a few hours (a bit of a naive, simplistic and stupid thought I now realise!). A bit more serious than all that, but I won't go into all the ins and out right now, and although I take selfies everywhere I go, obviously including A and E, it's the way I deal with things, with fun and laughter regardless of what the situation is. A few hours later after more blood results, more nosebleeds (I did try to create a blood dot to dot on their bed, gown and floor at one point!) and more X-rays, I was told I was HypoKalaemic... Very low in potassium to the normal brain like myself! Potassium is essential in your body for heart, muscle and nerve function, no wonder I had cramps, heart palpitations, dizziness, focus issues etc etc.... Everything this last week now made some sort of sense! Just no idea why the levels had dropped so low! Normal Potassium levels are 3.5-5. At my last chemo just a week ago mine were at 3.7, yesterday they were 1.4/1.5. Pretty dam low for potassium, for showing only a few side effects! So it was confirmed I was admitted and attached to a potassium infusion on MAU. Can honestly say I've never had the pleasure of sleeping next to a monster/gurgling/not sure what the word for it was lady before, but boy did she snore!! Cue.... Eyes wide open, no sleep, planning murder (using weapons such as the yellow floor cleaning sign and the drip stand!) the entire night! But the hours passed with my drip friend and monster room friend and soon it was morning. Although the best line was the lady in the morning to the HCA 'no I didn't get a wink of sleep last night' BOLLOCKS did you not!! Again cannot fault the staff at St Mary's, met another one of the chemo nurses today, Jennifer, I am officially 'known' by all of them now, one way or another, I'm a 'special' one!! Last night was another dark moment when the initial thought was the Cancer had spread and my organs were affected. It's the initial thought as it wasn't a normal reaction, there was no logical reason my potassium or neutrophil levels were so low. With infection having set in in my body, it was a good job I went in for that normal blood test after all. But it did also set massive alarm bells ringing. Ones that were clarified today, no it hasn't spread and yes my body is still giving it a bloody good fighting to, even if it's not reacting in the way it should!! On lighter news; the sexiest nightie award goes to the St Mary's Pink beauties, the most obvious statement of the year award goes to the A and E gowns that state For Hospital Use Only all over them (as if I was planning on wearing out on a Friday night!), the most horrific person to share a room with goes to my monster friend, the joke that fell flat award goes to me asking to doc if foam bananas would be suitable for potassium boost and the best selfie award goes to the mid nosebleed tap selfie!! Today ive been attached all day, and finally my potassium level is coming back up, back in the regions of 3 at least! They have to add potassium slowly as it affects your heart. So this means more drugs to add to the goody bag and weekly reviews from now on to make sure it's not dropping too low again. My neutrophil level has also increased by .3 so at least it's coming up again! Lots of extra drugs these next few weeks to boot my body back into winning spirit, but it's still going! Roll on the next A and E visit, St Mary's Sexy nighties and the new diet of banana's for the foreseeable! Xxx ![]() Last night was a really restless night, no sleep, sickness and a humongous nose bleed to go with it! Was the first time I've wanted to jack in all the treatment, completely fed up of feeling like shit the entire time, I was ready to chuck in the towel this morning. I know there's worse things, and people worse off, and I should be thankful with how everything is going, it just feels never ending at the minute. So I was very depressive this morning on the way to St Mary's, just wishing I could be normal again. As ever expect the unexpected! This morning I had the procedure to put metal markers around the tumour to keep an eye on shrinkage etc. Its basically the reverse of a biopsy, just instead of taking a few bits out they put a few bits in! Local anaesthetic in and all good to go. Instead of an incision they'd normally make, because my blood clotting issues they decided to do it with needles instead of cutting me open! So under ultrasound, doc put in the spikes, not the most comfortable procedure going but within twenty minutes all was done! And now I have a part titanium boobage! Next up was the mammogram, to double check the metal work was all in the right place etc before I left. A simple task.... Stand and be x-rayed, what could be hard about that?! Except I can't do anything normally so I decided to collapse mid way through the scan, of course! I don't remember a thing from walking into the scanning room to me coming around on the floor surrounded by the docs and nurses, with the resus alarm going off!! I do do things in style after all! So after a recovery lie down, I was eventually patched up. Going in for markers and coming out with botched, swollen and cut elbows and knee! Think I make my mark wherever I go at the minute! Finally getting home (a few hours later than what expected!) Ive retired to the sofa again feeling like Ive been beaten up down one side, where I'm now deciding on what sponge/food Im going to try and taste tonight for tea! I can feel the bone pain increasing rapidly today, and I feel accompanying food tonight will also be my trusted friend Morphine. The joys. Again, I wish I was normal, boring and normal! Xxx ![]() So today was my first day out and about, off the sofa since the last round. Unfortunately it appears this round has hit me for six, a few more issues along the way, having spent my entire time between the sofa and bucket, to put it plainly! But today I ventured out, to go say farewell to a close friend being deployed for 8 months. Although it's been lovely catching up this afternoon, I got home and have collapsed on the sofa in my onesie with my bobble hat and heated blanket to try warm up, and I can't see myself moving for the foreseeable. It's difficult to describe how I feel to anyone who sees me, I'm not ill Im not sick, I feel flipping horrific, I have no energy, I hurt in every going possible joint imaginable and I'm feeling like a pin cushion/pill bottle at the minute! But I can feasibly just stay here on the sofa until I resume normality again! Or more, that is my plan! And the worst bit about it all, I couldn't even finish my Nando's today..... Now that never happens!! Completely gutting!! Rich is now off for 8 months, and the scariest bit about that is, I'll be done with chemo, radio and surgery by time he gets back (and hopefully have been to Rio and back!)!! It's mad to think how time is going to fly, but think we came up with the wisest of things today.... The big C picked the wrong battle when it hit me, Ive always loved a good fight!! There may have been the odd tear or two on the ferry home, purely cus I do have some of the best mates people could ask for, keeping me sane and not judging or running a mile from me, but stay safe Rich and I'll see you when you're back with my new hair 😂!! Feeling very lucky to have some awesome people in my life! So this week, I await Wednesday's surgery to add the metal markers around the tumour. It'll give the docs a better indication of the shrinkage and therefore the extent of surgery in April, if it turns out it's not a genetic case. Another case of waiting. Unfortunately, Eric the elephant is still currently sat in his box awaiting the candles, one day soon he shall be eaten!! But for now the sofa life resumes, the odd catch up naps I can grab and the big bag of drugs and injections sat next to me, whilst enjoying the delights of awesome tv programmes such as SuperCasino, Jeremy Kyle and Pointless.... Yes I lead the high life!! ️Xxx So yesterday morning started off with dread... Spending my birthday in hospital wasn't on top of my celebration list and worrying if I was going to react to the Herceptin infusion was bubbling through the head also. However how wrong could I be!
Headed in for bloods including the genetic bloods first thing, and then headed back down to see Dr Marshall. Every oncology appointment you're sat in the waiting area seeing others who potentially already have this disease (the headscarfs give it away!) and others who are awaiting potentially devastating diagnosis'. It's pretty horrific when you see people come out of their appointments clearly upset. So Doc was fairly happy with how I've been these last three weeks. My taste won't now come back until well after treatment has finished, the joys of another three months eating sponges!! Measuring the tumour she was fairly confident it has started to shrink... The best news anyone could ever ask for let lone on my birthday too!! Ok there's lots of ifs and buts, like it could be to do with fluid content, it could be false measurement, and it could still be deeper... But all in all bloody awesome news!! All the years you wish for things, they seem insignificant all of a sudden.... This birthday wish is coming true!! Next up was the Herceptin infusion up in the chemo suite. All other infusions will be done on same day that the chemo drugs are dropped into me, but on the first one they wanted to do it a lot slower and have four obs after to make sure I wasn't going to react! I didn't get my normal chair, some cheeky mare nicked that before I got up there! So I took up my pew elsewhere, was cannulated and attached up to the infusion. As the nurses realised it was my birthday, I got happy birthday and lots of happiness filling the suite up! And cake was shared!! (Cake number 1!) The infusion finished and I remained up here until they were happy I wasn't reacting and I was free to leave! Last patient to leave! All done for the day! Headed in to work for couple hours and to pick up a few pressies and cards that had been left by members! Then home for birthday nosh and cake number 2 with the family! Today started with a nice lie in, until 6.30! First time I've slept for more than 4hrs in one stint! Came back to the chemo suite today, chemo round 3 time! Sun is shining, good news yesterday, and getting on with another round! Had to resort to my second fave chair today as again someone else beat me to it! Cannulated and attached up and here I remain until tonight when my drugs are done. They're overdosing me on steroids and hydrocortisone to counteract any reactions that may occur. If I could grow and keep hair Id have a hairy chest by now!! Plan for this evening is home for pizza night and cake number 3.... Eric the Elephant! Yes it's a kids cake and yes it's my third cake and no I'm not ashamed!! I truly have been overwhelmed by the birthday love these last two days! It's been the most randomness birthday imaginable but strangely has been the best by a country mile!! So many messages, texts, calls, visits and offers by awesome most loveliest people! Plus all the lovely pressies, flowers and cards!! There's been tears (because you're all too bloody lovely!) but this girl cannot ask for anything more!! Mahoosive thank you!! The fight continues... Just with added cake inside of me!! ![]() 'Twas the night before my birthday in St Mary's and all is good! Finally have felt myself again these last couple of days after the last round, and I'm back in 😂 but it'll be worth it so I'm told!! Today was the geneticist appointment. And I was more fascinated by the science than I was worried!! Biology and science fascinate me especially when it's so intricate at DNA level!! Basically I am being tested for mutated genes, BRCA 1 and BRCA 2, two genes that could be mutated and could have caused my Cancer. Long story short, if I am in the percentage that are mutated genes, it not only puts my risk of another Breast cancer a lot higher but also increases the chance of ovarian cancer too, and also melanoma (skin cancer). There's not many positives to take from this experience so far!! So after tomorrow when the blood gets taken and sent off for testing, a couple of months waiting for results, it could mean double the amount of surgery, and eventually also my other ovary also removed later on down the line once kids are hopefully had.... Exactly what Angelina Jolie had done. Fairly mental and crazy taking it all on board, but had vague inkling as to what was all about anyway. So it just sets it in the head that it is just a huge waiting game now to see! Also it means if it is genetic, it could also affect my mum, brother, aunts, uncles and cousins! The spider web spreads!! So tomorrow is the start to the Herceptin infusions, on these for the next year minimum. And then will be on self injection form of the drug for 5-10 years! After all I love the needles and sharps boxes filling my room already, what's another one!! Fingers crossed there's no reactions and not many side effects with this one! Start to the next round, and rest of the chemo drugs on Thursday! And of course birthday cake will be apparent tomorrow too so I hear!! It's been a great week being back at work and feeling human again (the mother noticed I was feeling more me when I was car karaoke-ing to Whitney Houston on the radio this evening!) and had some lovely messages of support from some really unexpected sources this week, determined not to let this round kill me quite so much these next three weeks.... all in all bring the next round on!! Xxx ![]() 2016.... Well that came around quick! So NYE for the first time in what 7/8 years, I wasn't working and I was completely sober.... Probably the start of many PJ, sofa and tv NYE's! It was actually a nice night, even if the mother did fall asleep before midnight! I'm appreciating things so much more nowadays. Call me old, call me boring, but some things are so unjustified. And the Big Ben chimes, followed by he 12 minutes of fireworks took their toll this year (stupidly!) I'm starting 2016 off feeling very bitter towards people, people wasting money, wasting time on pointless things. I refuse to let my smile disappear because of someone else's actions. Anyone I wasn't on good terms with before the chimes have been left in 2015. And it'll take something extraordinary for them to be able to re-enter my life! And that feeling has come since diagnosis day, so if you haven't been with me from the start then you can sure as hell step away when I am better!! So enough of my ranting, onto more important things, cake!! Spending a lot of time at home has got me back on the piano/singing, a way to chill! And Fight Song by Rachel Platten has been the favourite to cover this week! Such a powerful song with awesome lyrics. This my last week before round 3.... My birthday treat! Another year goes by where Im not heading out to celebrate, this weekend being NY, next weekend being my sofa weekend. I guess once I'm back normal again, I can catch up and head out partying to celebrate! So Tuesday I head back to the hospital for the Genetic tests, not sure what I have in store with that one! Wednesday, birthday treat day, is bloods first thing, oncology appointment with Dr Marshall, then up to chemo suite for first round of Herceptin.... 7 hours worth! And Thursday I have round 3 chemo! Then Friday is back home to the beloved sofa! Herceptin is a drug they use as I have a hormone receptive tumour, it works on the protein sites to try and prevent the Cancer spreading or coming back in the long run. Again lots of side effects to look forward to, I guess the best one being, 'energy levels return gradually over time from 4-6 months following treatment conclusion'. Seeing as I'm now on this for the next year IV wise every three weeks, and then for a further 10 years afterwards, I guess me getting back in the gym just before Christmas is now wishful thinking again! Miss Blobby's return!! For the genetic test Iv had to fill out all details relating to family, mums side easy enough, dads side not so easy. My dad, a forces man, died whilst mum wasn't pregnant with me, and over the years contact slowly dwindled with my two uncles and their families. No fault of either side, but contact has now been made again! I guess it's true what they say about life, you suddenly realise what and who is important when life gives you shitty times. Although the most comical question on the form is.... What do you think your chances of developing this type of Cancer are.... Ermmmm 100% maybe?!? Not overly looking forward to spending my 27th in St Mary's, I can think of 1000 better things to be doing, but it could be worse, I at least get cake! Plus it'll be another step closer to finishing chemo! Woohoo! So roll on treatment & cake week! ️Xxx |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
February 2017
Categories |