Another trip to the chemo suite for Herceptin, there was me thinking a solo drug should be a bit easier but Nope I was wrong again! Three cannula attempts and a black arm later and my drugs were in. Im still currently struggling with fingers and nails being black and unusable, but im assured one day I'll be back to normal!!
It's been a long week this week, really emotional week and being forgotten about by 'friends', Ive got to the point where the smaller the circle the better! Going through shit you realise the importance of people and how they treat you! Had some incredible support from people I never expected it from, especially hockey related and I cannot thank everyone enough for that. Can't wait to catch up with everyone in person in the coming months! Tomorrow is surgery day! D Day number 1!! Id be lying if I said I wasn't bricking it but hopefully after tomorrow the insidious tumour will be no more! So currently nil by mouth this evening, probably the hardest task of them all seeing as I won't be eating again until 5/6 tomorrow evening! Heading in bright and early tomorrow to have wires and a blue dye put in me before being taken to theatre. The blue dye or 'smurf dye' as I know it, will highlight my nodes, so they can see which ones to take out etc. Whilst im down in theatre they'll send some nodes to pathology to see if partial or full mode clearance is necessary. And this dye can last for months so im going to be feeling blue for a while yet!! Length of surgery depends on pathology results and length of hospital stay is all dependent on surgery! So I shall find out tomorrow afternoon what's happening! But ive got my Elmo pjs packed and a bag of haribo, so im sorted! It does feel a bit like going into the unknown, but Mr Parker knows his job and ive got to put my trust into him with this and for him to do what he feels necessary. So im being dropped off as Fester and going to be picked up as Smurfette Fester! Roll on tomorrow I guess... ️Xxx
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![]() Last three weeks have been yet another rollercoaster of feelings. First week I was doped up on morphine for the majority. Last week I was at work for the majority. And this week A and E, and hospital has been on the cards! My morphine week seemed the longest ever from all the rounds and I physically was in no state to do anything. Last week I finally got back to being myself, and working makes me happy! Whereas this week is a completely different week! Finally got to work out in the gym! Well I say that tentatively.... I did a couple of Bodybalance classes. But it was so nice to finally do something! Joined the Raiders in their playoff finals in chelmsford over the weekend, and it was fab catching up with everyone and friends from other teams over the weekend. Catching the 3am ferry back after ice hockey on Sunday/Monday meant i was heading into work on zero sleep. Back to the world of weekends in a giant freezer! Onto monday, work went fine, decided to go up hospital to get my dodgy looking nails and chemo site checked as chemo ward last week had said if didn't clear up with hydrocortisone cream and antibiotics they gave me to head back in. Biggest mistake! A and E was rammed.... Six hour wait! Met a lovely lady and her daughter whilst waiting. And finally went through to be greeted by some of my regular nurses and docs! Had lots of blood taken and holes put in my nails to drain the blood from below them. Very low white blood count, too low for surgery so I was warned the chances of surgery going ahead on Monday was pretty much non existent. Never been so cold in my life, Was bloody freezing in there so my fave nurse, who's done my canula several times now supplied me with lots of blankets to wrap up in. And I was finally on my way home drugs in hand in the early hours of the morning after heading in at 4ish! Tuesday was a normal day...no wait I don't have those anymore!! Went to Southampton general for a few bits and attended a Look Good Feel Better workshop, all about how to apply make up etc to make you look less uncle festerish! It was good but quite patronising at times, giving us a voucher for a free eye brow wax.... I wish I had decent eye brows left!! Next thing I know I'll be given a voucher for a leg wax or hair cut!! Today was surgery discussion with Mr Parker, after a long ass wait for appointment I finally had mine.... Took all of 5 mins! And he's decided Monday is definitely going to be d-day just with a few extra drugs! After worrying last few days that they're going to put it off and potentially another round of chemo to keep me going until the next date. Quite a relief to keep the date! Although I now have three botched nails to add to the list!! Ever tried doing stuff without your fingers?! Or after you've slammed them in a door?! That's how it feels & looks! So onto tomorrow.... Herceptin day! Back to chemo ward I go for yet more needles and drugs! Before a couple of nights up in london enjoying some time before im immobile for a few weeks. Onwards and upwards! Forgotten shit friends and forgotten life's petty dramas now is the time to focus on me! ️Xxx |
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February 2017
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