![]() So since my first round of chemo, ive had a few really crappy days, with barely any food being kept down followed by couple of good days feeling bit better each time! Feeling like ive been hit by a sledgehammer I guess is the only way to describe it! Either that or someone has genuinely taken a baseball bat to my joints this weekend!! One big rollercoaster this is going to be! Im now on a concoction of 15 tablets a day, including steroids and anti sickness tablets, plus two injections a day, one for my blood clotting the other for stimulating my white blood cells and immune system again. Chemo knocks your blood count really low, as the drugs can't distinguish between Cancer cells and good cells, they basically just wipe out as much as they can, therefore killing off my immune system too! So next few months, a normal two day cold will probably land me up in hospital attached back up to drips! So I'm currently avoiding germs and buggy people as far as I can! Im up most nights from about 2.30am onwards... Wide awake! Thinking, watching films, and having cravings for Muller Corner yoghurts! I can only put it down to pregnancy like cravings.... Nothing else will do! Just give me muller corners!! I'll do as the doc has asked me to.... Eat when I feel I want to.... Even if it is yoghurt at 4am!! Emotionally it's one mass rollercoaster at the minute. Getting frustrated with people who are be-moaning what seem like the most pointless of things. Everyone loves a good moan, but open your eyes, no matter what you do, where you are or anything else, if you've got loved ones, a roof, and food in your belly, there's so much more to life than bloody moaning! It's been a month since I was first diagnosed; I've had people run a country mile and never heard from again and I've had friends who don't invite me out socially, maybe it's because they can't handle it?! Who knows and tbh who cares anymore! But most importantly, I've found out who is going to stick around for this journey no matter what! And for those friends I cannot thank enough, already! The support you've given so far has been incredible, and one of the reasons why the smile will remain on my face! Great news came on Friday, I found out I had been selected as part of the medical team for Rio 2016 Olympics! This would be my second Olympics journey following London! At the minute, it's hard to get too excited over it, mostly down to the fact I'll still be on drugs treatment then, so having three weekly sessions to the chemo unit I may have to start trying to bribe the docs to extend my treatment sessions so I can escape to Rio for a few weeks! We shall see how that goes! So for now, I will return to my Muller Corners, onesies and Christmas films, and not worry about anything else! Wallow on my sofa for a few days more, ready for quarantine weekend away from all germs & bugs, and try and catch up on food and sleep eventually! It's the small things in life that put a smile on your face..... Why waste time worrying about the negatives when everyday is a positive. Whatever it is, put a smile on your face, pick yourself up and carry on! Xxx
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![]() Today was the starting mark of chemotherapy.... My first treatment session. So Im there ready and waiting at 10am in their waiting room watching the fish in the tanks. And eventually we all get called through to the treatment room, I can only imagine each time coming up here, that I may become a bit possessive about my chair now! I chose the corner area, nice and sunny at the time, overlooking the prison opposite! First up is the first of the anti sickness drugs to try to combat the inevitable nausea following the chemo drugs. They then warm your veins up with a mini electric blanket to try make them easily accessible for the canula to go in..... Easier said than done for my veins! First attempt in my hand failed, after a little bit of playing about, she gave up and tried further up in my wrist, success! More anti sickness drugs follow along with steroids! Always did want the manly voice and hairy chest!! So next up are the five different syringes of chemo drugs. The first two are cherryade colour called Epirubicin. Couple minutes into the first syringe, I have an almighty hot wave coming over my head and face, my neck goes dark red, blotchy and lumpy, and I have one hell of an urge to itch! In two minds whether it's just me being a bit paranoid that I must feel something with the drug so I shouldn't say something, or this can't be normal I shouldn't be itchy and hot! So I ended up saying to my nurse slowly injecting me, that Id come over all hot and itchy, her face was a picture of errrrrmmmmm right ok bear with!! Next hurdle for this whole journey, working out an allergic reaction that the chemo sister has only seen once before in 7 years!! So after lots of debate and conversations on the phone to pharmacy, they decided with me being allergic to antihistamine too that they'd give me a shot of hydrocortisone to counteract the reaction and see if it calmed down. Given twenty minutes, my neck had returned to normal, so they decided to give the syringe another go to see if the reaction was going to be held at bay now.... Couple minutes into it, it was pretty clear it wasn't! Red hot and itchy neck kind of decided that Epi was no good for me!! So next comes a long debate with pharmacy, oncology, Southampton.... To see what anyone suggests, I guess it's not a common reaction so they've no idea what to do! And it's decided to axe it for today and see if they can find a solution between now and my next round! The next two syringes were Fluorouracil, and the last one was Cyclophosphamide, thankfully all of these went in absolutely fine! So I got given a goodie bag, full of drugs; steroids, anti sickness tablets and another self injection for tomorrow, however I was quite proud that my bag wasn't the biggest bag handed out! That's got to be a good thing right?! And that's my first round done! Thanks to mumma bear who came up with me this morning wincing at the canula attempts, and Sarah who came and sat with me for the majority, laughing at the itchyness and wandering prisoners from Parkhurst! Headed out to lunch with Sarah, and then headed home. By the time I had reached home, I was very very nauseous, deciding the sick bucket was going to become my new buddy for the next few days! So I took up my place on the sofa onesie clad under a heated blanket and have remained there for the rest of the day. Fear of moving too far away from a bucket, monster of a headache and just a general overwhelming feeling of being completely and utterly steam-rollered is how my day has ended! Fun times ahead I feel!! One down.... ![]() It's my last 'normal' day.... Before the bubble begins! So I headed up to the hospital for my pre-chemo bloods.... And anyone who's been to the St Mary's Pathology knows you're usually in for a long wait up there!! Now this is where the special seat comes into play!! One perk of having to have chemo I guess!! A bulging full waiting room of people sitting with their number awaiting their turn! I rock up hand in my forms and get sent to the 'reserved seating'. Within 30 seconds of placing my bum on the seat Id already been called in!! Bonus! Even if the nurse did have a look at my black and blue arms with a 'I'm sorry this going to be sore look on her face!' Bloods done, on to Christmas party food shopping for my tangerine team for Saturday! Possibly the most inconvenient time to have a xmas party but WightFIT needs to be decked out in christmas!! Over the past weeks ive had some incredible support, not least from my mum & family, best mates and my staff team, but have also come into contact with a lovely girl called Alex from Portsmouth. Unbeknown to us at the time we've both played in the same netball team in Portsmouth, TeamForce in the last few years. Alex has recently been diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia and is the writer of www.alexisallin.com. It turns out we were both approved for the same fertility treatment on exactly same day, Alex ending up having hers done in Oxford. It's nice to be able to talk/moan/understand someone who's the same age, altho different cancers, still going through a very similar rollercoaster! Six degrees of separation theory couldn't be far truer right now! I headed into the gym tonight to see my team and cover a couple of hours for staff sickness. And on my desk, my incredible team have left me a bag of goodies, Coca Cola lorry PJs, Cosy bed socks, minion items, magazine, chocolate etc etc and an awesome card of meerkats depicting them all, sending me their best wishes etc. Truly touched. Couldn't ask for a better team to keep the gym going, or better better people to be able to call friends. So Im still feeling very sore from the op but I went to go wig shopping, having a look at the NHS wigs. After having a bit of a read about them, where if you're unemployed and on benefits you get a free wig, yet if you've actually got to turn up to a job looking presentable you have to pay £70.... I already had an idea as to what the place was going to be like.
And I couldn't have been so close to the truth!! A German prisoner of war concentration camp is the only way I could describe the waiting area! Seeing the staff in thier white trousers/white jackets.... They looked like evil doctors/psyco people!! Met by the rudest receptionist who made me feel it was my fault I was there in the first place, and running late, I decided to forego the appointment and walked out! It was depressing. Id made the decision to have my long locks chopped, so it wasn't such a shock in the next couple weeks when my hair starts falling out. Im keeping my ponytail to make into extensions for when my hair does start growing back! The long locks ive had since I can remember got snipped :( and Ive been left with a crop cut, which don't get me wrong Molly at Madison Avenue Hair has done amazingly, but it's not my long hair, it's not me. Depressing point number two day. All in all, reality of the side effects have sunk in. No hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes..... Not a vain person but I won't look like me every time I see myself in a mirror. Depressing day and no sleep whilst the head is on overload mode. ![]() Had a look around the chemo unit today, really relaxing waiting area with fish tanks and comfy chairs. Makes it a little bit nicer to have to go to! And had a briefing with one of the chemo nurses, she told me about the drugs, the side effects, the time etc. For my first three rounds im on chemo drugs called FECT.... Aptly named for drugs no one wants! This will be done through canula and syringe, and take a couple of hours from start to finish. Been offered the cold cap treatment, basically a frozen cap you wear for all your treatment to help prevent the drugs getting to your hair follicles to save it from falling out. To start with I said Id give it a go, but on second thoughts, ive decided not to. Im going to sit there freezing my arse off for 3/4/5 hours, in the hope my hair doesn't come out however my eye lashes and eyebrows still will! So decided to conserve my energy and not use it. After the first three rounds I'll be swapping from these 3 drugs to a single chemo drug, plus an anti-hormone drug to help combat the tumour. I'll have three further rounds of the chemo drug, and a further 18 rounds of the anti-hormone treatment, in the same way as chemo. It seems the side effects are endless!! Sickness, flu like symptoms, cardiac issues, breathing issues, obviously hair loss, nail loss...... But if it kicks this tumour into touch then so be it! After my needle issues last week, ive got just two to look forward to this week. Pre-chemo bloods on Wednesday and my first round on Thursday! ![]() Home time..... Maybe a couple days early but I've been allowed to go home! Based on the fact I deserve a day at home before the chemo appointments this week coming! And so long as I'm sensible, (me sensible!!) all will be ok! So I still can't move much, my stomach still looks 8 months pregnant, and it's suddenly turned winter outside!! However we left with my new sharps boxes ready for the next year of Clexane injections, picked up pizza on the way to the ferry, jumped on Wightlink and made our way home! By time my head hit the arm rest of the sofa, I was soundo! And didn't move all night!! Think the sleep was muchly needed!! After a day of throwing up, and not being able to move I've spent Sunday on the sofa watching Christmas films in between snoozing! Said goodbye to the brother who's heading back to Belgium for the week, and looking ahead to the week that's about to come. My chemo briefing tomorrow, a wig fitting appointment Tuesday followed by my first chemo session on Thursday! Big week a-coming!!
![]() So along comes another week, the first week of treatment! Monday I was at Princess Anne hospital for an 'information' appointment about the fertility operation. This appointment turned into an all day hospital visit being passed between all sorts of 'ologists! After two lots of bloods, hours sitting in a waiting room managing to rotate between majority of the chairs each time, and learning all about the op, It was decided my blood is too unstable to operate without having some blood treatment beforehand, so the haemotologist has decided to bring me in two days earlier than the op so I can have a heparin infusion. More needles! Also meaning I'm back on the dreaded daily Clexane injections now until the end of treatment!! Tuesday I was back at St Mary's for echocardiography, heart pictures and recordings! Just to double check the ticker isn't going to give up on me too!! Plus the chemo drugs damage the heart, so they're going to be keeping close eye on it from now on! At least I know it works ;) !! So work is all set with one my awesome DMs keeping an eye on everything and making me think about the doughnuts we're going to be having at the party at the end of this journey, all set to get kicking ass! And now today im back at Princess Anne, and I'll be staying here until Sunday or Monday! Never being a fan of needles ive had a fair old few these last couple weeks but today has really capped it!! Three blood tests throughout the day, and canulas been put in tonight! The 'short sharp scratch' still isn't short or sharp!! So I had my pre-op assessment this morning, and then was sent for a dopplar scan.... Words cannot describe!! And I get the joys of doing it all again tomorrow! Because the operation is a new treatment, (I'm literally their first patient here!!) I'm being treated amazingly well.... Private ward, private room, awesome food menu and free tv!! Can't ask for much more than that!! Now to watch a Christmas film on tv, eat Haribo and chill with my two pink buddies (teddies!) !! Nerves filled my head as I made my way with mum to the Princess Anne Hospital in Southampton to see Mr Brooks the fertility specialist, at a lovely private clinic in the hospital, Complete Fertility. As I was an emergency appointment, I was slotted in between his surgical times, in his words... his coffee breaks! More bloods were taken, so I was hopeful they thought something could be done to help me. I met Mr Brooks, a well renowned fertility specialist who has worked in some of the biggest private clinics in London, and I couldn't have felt more at ease. We sat down and discussed the options or not-options as they went on to be; freezing embryos, freezing eggs or ovarian tissue transplant. The two first options were out of the question, due to having a hormone reactive tumor, the drugs needed to stimulate the eggs would rapidly increase the growth rate of the tumor. So both were deemed high risk and un-doable. My fertility fate lay with the option of ovarian tissue transplant, a procedure very new and not commonly used in the UK.
Mr Brooks left the room saying the meeting to discuss this procedure and it being implemented in Southampton was being held that morning. He returned with a beaming smile, saying I deserved some good news and he'd be honored to perform the surgery on me as the first one at the Princess Anne! So although this isn't anywhere near a guarantee that my fertility will return as normal, on re-implantation after treatment, they hope it will re-stimulate my body's egg production. One step closer to being normal after treatment. Leaving Southampton after a quick visit to Primark for Christmas jumpers, I felt a slight bit easier about the future. Heading back on monday to see another gynecologist whose study it is, before I become a guinea pig later in the week. Friday 13th really can be a good day! |
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February 2017
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