This week has been a very long week of morphine, the sofa, and feeling very very naff. Had a couple trips in, as potassium is non existent in me....again! Plus continued with the heart palpitations, dizziness, severe nosebleeds (the list continues....). However the sofa has treated me well and there's a light at the end of this 'naff week tunnel'!
Today I finally checked my post, having days not being able to do anything you kind of just let it build up on the side. It's been a no make up, no sleep, onesie, not caring kind of week so why bother with post! However on checking, my genetic results appointment letter was there and it was for today! Bit of a shock, complete whirlwind of emotions ran quickly through me.... Did I still want to know, was it going to confirm the higher stats of reoccurance, was it really going to affect my family too..... Lots of keeping my spirits high by the brother and mother, calling me Donnatello.... If ive got to be a mutant, I may as well be a kick ass ninja one! So I rocked up (on time for once!) and an hour and half of waiting later, I got very impatient!! No receptionist to ask about the delay, no one knew which room the geneticist even was in! On finding the room I proceeded to bang on the door to express my frustration and anger, with the thought of screw this ive had enough I want to go back to my sofa. However she clearly had no idea that I was due for an appointment (cock up by the hospital appointment person!) and was very apologetic. Hulk rage Tori slowly diminished! Eventually she got my results through and called me in. Im not a MUTANT!!! Best news since finding out the tumour had shrunk a bit, being called normal!! My genes are not mutated BRCA 1 or 2 so I do not carry the fault for Breast and ovarian cancer!! So first off my family arn't now bludgeoned into also having this life roulette to live by, full hysterectomy won't need to be done, and a small hope and fingers crossed based on reimaging at the end of chemo surgery won't be as major as what was originally thought. Massive weight lifted today. Although it would be great to know the reason why I ended up with Cancer in the first place, that's going to be one question forever unanswered. But im not a mutant!! Plus surgery is now looking like it will be single mastectomy not double, which mentally is a lot more acceptable/doable! Still got a massive road ahead in terms of ups, downs, ifs, whys and wherefores, stats and recurrence rates to fathom out but this result is good result! Small steps. Plus me and the brother now have two fancy dress duos to dress up as.... Uncle Fester & Lurch, and Donnatello & Raphael!! And if you don't know who the last two are.... Never speak to me again!! Now back to the sofa to collapse and die/rest quietly for another few morphine filled days! This Uncle fester Donnatello will continue to smile Xxx
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So yesterday marked round 5 of the delightful chemo. And I can honestly say it doesn't get any better or easier :( no idea why I even thought it would!
Hospital went fine, I even managed to get my original chair in the window, without having to ninja someone else out of it, success me thinks! Canula had to go in my hand in the end, as my arms are bruised to bits, so I've been left with a nicely swollen left hand atm. Hopefully that'll ease up within the week. Again I left with a goody bag of drugs and injections, it honestly does feel like Christmas every time I go up there!! Although this time I've got some funky tasting syrup to have for the Hypokalaemia issues of having no potassium in me for unknown reasons! It smells like cherry, it looks like cherryade but it sure as hell doesn't taste a thing like cherryade!! Trying my best to avoid A and E this time! Found myself back in work tonight as one the guys is off sick, so far I've done nothing apart from have a snooze on my physio couch with radiators surrounding me as I'm currently freezing. Completely had enough of feeling like this now, and I know this week is only going to get worse. I go from feeling great at the end of my third week, to within hours feeling like complete shit. Emotional, depressive and completely fatigued. When will normality resume :( right now I just want to retire to a cave with my teddy bear and onesie. One day I hope normality resumes ️xxx So I completed the run! Three words... It was hard!! But I got the shiny medal at the end and I survived (just about!). The following week was a mix of hospital ins and outs, plenty of morphine and lots more needles! Plus my potassium levels are still playing silly buggers. So a week off work and me on the sofa doped up for a week.
The second week went much better, although Im still living off sweet potatoes atm! Finished a 24hour treadmill challenge this morning with the WightFit team and members, raising money for the Applegate Breast Care Unit who look after me. On initial count up, looks like we've cracked the £1000, which is awesome!! Although Im currently on shift at work this evening, I was last in my bed 36 hours ago.... I want sleep!! All for a good cause eh!! Never Google the surgery you're going to have.... It will scare the crap out of you!! Head is awash with all sorts of info, facts and figures regards my surgery! It all depends on the reimaging following chemo, and the genetic result. But worse case scenario is fairly horrific when reading about it! Note to self.... Don't google things from now on! So it's Valentine's Day today.... Overhyped and over expensive day to say I love you to the person you spend all your time with for the other 364 days of the year... Am I missing the point of saying it to them on any other day of the year?! First year in a while that ive been single for this 'precious' day and Id much rather be single with my scars than with someone who quite clearly couldn't care for a pet rock let alone me! Love those around you everyday not just one bloody day a year!! Ive some awesome family and friends besides me throughout this, bestie currently in a different country, but I'm sure as hell feeling the love from everyone!! ️Xxx |
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February 2017
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