So just over two weeks ago on the 28th October, I was told I had the Big C..... a long road ahead they said! The talk of chemotherapy, surgery, mastectomy's and lumpectomy's, radiotherapy, reconstruction, infertility... the list was endless, and so hard to take on board! All the what if's, all the why me's..... it was hard. However, I decided there wasn't much I could physically do to change it apart from treatment, so lets get on that road. A couple of weeks later and I'm well on the conveyor belt of treatment. From the diagnosis at St Mary's with Mr Parker and Applegate nurse Alana, I went straight up for further blood tests. This was when I had the task of telling those close to me, not the easiest message to write or read I would imagine! However, amazing support was returned! A week on I returned to St Mary's for a CT scan. This has to be one of the weirdest scans I've ever had the 'pleasure' of experiencing! You're warned before they inject the contrast medium that you will have a warm feeling come over you and a sensation of wetting yourself! And oh boy was she right! So I'm lying on the tray in the middle of the doughnut looking machine and the sensations come over! The only way to describe it is as if you're over-heating and there's nothing you can do about it. Acute sickness feeling, dizziness, and the almighty sense that you genuinely have just pee-d yourself, is not one ill forget in a hurry!! So CT was complete, the canular was out, the radiologist agreed bacon sarnie was the way to go for breakfast, and id receive the results in two weeks when I met the oncologist, Dr Marshall. The next day I returned again to St Mary's on an early visit to the MRI Scanner, whilst the department was shut. I was met by another lovely radiologist, and started the briefing to the scan, even having to go on an airport style metal detector. This was the one i feared the most... the dreaded tunnel! However they played some cheesy classics, and the hour scan went by. Although massively loud, with the clunks and bangs of the machine whirring around, could sing in my head to the tunes being played! All sorts but ending with Maria Carey, How Do I Live.... of all songs!! Finished up at St Mary's, and picked up by mum and big bro, we headed to Southampton for the second scan of the day. Arriving in pouring rain after a long ass public bus journey up to Southampton General, we had to find the entrance.... a more difficult task than it may seem, seeing as they've got masses of building works going on at the minute! So we found the MRI department, and I went straight in. Knowing i'm classified a 'bleeder' due to the anticoagulants I'm on, the radiologist took his time doing my canula, starting with one in my hand, which just did not want to go in, two attempts later with smaller needles, my vein disappeared and he resorted to my elbow. Canula in, he reassured me the brand new scanner I was about to go in was a lot bigger, and even comfortably fitted a 22 stone bloke the day before, mind at ease.... at least I wasn't going to get stuck! Lying on another tray, this time face down, and arms above my head, the cheesy songs were back.... and this time it started with Barbie Girl, again another classic song to be played knowing I'd face reconstructive surgery in the future!! Again, another hour scan went by and we were ready to leave Southampton, not before getting lost on the way out too! Two days later I went back to St Mary's for another biopsy on my lymph nodes. I cannot describe the pain on the first one I had, so I was hoping that this one was going to be a lot quicker and less painful than the original. I met another specialist, a nodes specialist, in the form of Dr Wilson. And the only thing going through my head was Wilson out of the film Castaway! He injected double the amount of local anesthetic to make sure I couldn't feel a thing in my armpit, and how right he was. 45 minutes of poking around in my arm pit, he took countless samples of the node tissue, to make sure it hadn't spread to them, and I was all done. If only we could be given local anesthetic injections for home.... two weeks on and it still feels like ive had a sword go through my armpit!! Two weeks on and I finally met my oncologist, Dr Marshall, a lovely lady who explained that the cancer hadn't spread and all the scans came back clear, good news! Then she went into detail about the chemo drugs I'll be on. A trio of drugs for my first three rounds called FECT..... kind of sums up chemo.... FECT off!!! After going into details about the drugs, it was clear my fertility would be ceased once I start chemo. Although possibly return after chemo, it was a very very small chance. Something I never thought Id ever have to think about not having the option. However I was booked in to see fertility specialist in Southampton to see if there were any options available in such a short time frame I had to play with. So Dr Marshall left me signing my life away (literally!) agreeing to the fact she had discussed all the side effects with me; complete hair loss, sickness, vomiting, cardiac issues, infertility... the list was endless! And there ends the first two weeks of this journey..... and so far my family and close friends have been incredible, making sure I haven't been alone for appointments and buying me countless slices of cake for after them! There's been funny conversations and serious chats. Everything and anything from the brother suggesting getting me a car polisher for my head for christmas, to being allergic to silicone so having to find a fat 'donor' for reconstruction later on! All in all my smile is still on my face despite this shit ass diagnosis!
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February 2017
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