Not exactly the build up to awards night I was hoping for! Again!!
So I've decided this week to have a full blown panic attack just for shits and giggles. No idea what kicked it off but in all seriousness I genuinely thought I was on the way out of here. Second scariest moment (behind the excruciating pain last year!). Then today, my Zoladex jab day, the mahoosive needle one, the same happened again, so I found myself in St Mary's all day again getting sorted out. Having been treated lovely by Tash up on the chemo ward, the tears started, the injection hurt like a bitch and I could easily have punched her :( , and by the end of the ordeal today, they were all pretty much in tears too. There comes a time, when you're just physically wrecked, mentally smashed and emotionally drained. The attacks are being caused by my heart not functioning how it should be still, and my body being tricked into thinking there's something more serious going on, and there's basically nothing I can do. The hormone tablets im on, Letrozole, cause flu like pains, so add them to a flu bug too.... and I'm pretty buggered to say the least this week. Everything and I mean everything hurts, even my cheek bones!! Morphine has become my best bud again, and I aim to survive Friday/Saturday without it so I can have a few drinks to celebrate being there! Not quite sure how yet, but we shall see!! It's been exactly a year ago since I started my chemo drugs this week, and I swear my body is just trying to rebel after the first reaction I had! Who ever said it gets easier once chemo is finished..... is truly truly wrong and disturbed in the head. All the way along the line my body hasn't reacted how it should have done, like other people's have. The one time I wish I was the same as everyone else. March and the Venus finals seem a long time ago at the minute! Where I was A & E/hospital bound that week too!! I've been asked to take part in a research project, '100,000 Genomes'. Basically they're trying to see each and every single genome in my body, to see if there's any that have a common link for cancer tendency. A bit like the original genetic test I had, however at the time they only knew of BRCA1 & BRCA2, but now with them looking at all my genomes, it could for example come up with high risk ovarian cancer gene, or that I'm a carrier for other life conditions. It's a hard decision to make, do I want to know or don't I? Personally I want to consent, I want to know if I'm likely to develop some other condition and potentially be treated for it before it happens. I can understand people not wanting to know tho. So all in all a pretty shitty week!! A long week at work where I'm unable to take time off and my body feeling wrecked the entire time. Roll on Friday awards night! Xxx
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
February 2017
Categories |