So today marked my one year from my original scan... and it ended in tears & an argument about NHS protocol!
The occasion was marked by my annual scans.... or so I thought this morning! Where my gran ended up Ambulanced over last weekend and currently residing in the stroke unit, my entire week has been spent at the hospital anyway and today was no different. I went to visit her before I had my scans, to find her surrounded my doctors having chest pains (again! Something we're used to with her, after all 5 heart attacks later!) So the day didn't get off to the best start! Down to the screening unit I went, leg shaking, nerves kicking in. What if it's back? What if I've gotta go through this year again? What if I have to see the look on my mums face again when I tell her? To put it plainly I've been shitting it about these scans since the appointment came through. Out comes the radiographer and asks to take me to the side room first. Heart sinking. They already know its back. But no, here's where the NHS protocol bollocks comes into being..... I was two weeks too early for the scan as due to radiology laws there has to be six months between them. Angry face number 1 appeared. Not only had I wasted an entire afternoon waiting and making sure work was covered. But what absolute bollocks she was telling me got me upset. They haven't cared I've had chest X-rays every three weeks for 7months, plus spine and pelvic X-rays and MRI's on top.... so why bother with two weeks! They don't understand that you build up to appointments like this, and when things don't go to plan, emotions run riot. And to be greeted by an over bearing nhs protocol is absolute shit. So a few tears and an argument later, the head radiologist cleared me for the scan agreeing two weeks wouldn't make any odds, seeing as they would scan me straight away if any lump appeared. Tears rolled, emotions were high, and the scan wasn't exactly comfortable! But now for the agonising three week wait to see if I am cancer free.... and anyone who knows me knows I'm not patient!! As the week has passed, the. Side effects have been getting worse, the bone pain is back where it feels im an 80 year arthritic person, the brain fog is horrific, and anxiety levels are at their all time low for me. So all in all I'm feeling a tad sorry for myself at the minute, and consoling myself by throwing myself into countless hours of work (which probably isn't helping the emotional side of me!!). However, I've done the last bloody year, I can do this, what ever that's going to be thrown at me! Just maybe with a hug and a few reassuring words along the way! One year on from my original scans.... and boy how much has changed in a year! Way too many things to list that have changed, some for the better, like true friends have become apparent, and some for the worse, like physically emotionally and mentally I'm ruined! But I've a night out planned to celebrate my cancerversary to look forward to (even if I shouldn't be drinking on the heart meds!!) so for now I will man up put a smile on and get on with it. But for now.... the horrible wait begins..... xxx
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February 2017
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